There’s a Skeleton in Every Man’s House…

The candle melts away as a mischievous flame spits false cookie odors into the air. Today is the first day the AC has been off all summer – a sign of autumn’s inevitable arrival. Class begins Monday. Today was Friday; it’s nearly 2am, however, which marks it an official Saturday morning. Neighbors slam rusty car doors and chat chat chatter away on the lawn, no doubt with 40 ouncers in their mechanic hands (they appear to be mechanics, but are most definitely mechanical). Oil marks their hands as surely as a curious chill marks the night air, and I don’t need to look to know.

The landlord had eye surgery and will most likely milk a few extra Jacksons out of me next month to help pay for it. His right eye is blood red and sinister. He can’t see clearly, but really, who can? He carries his revolver around. He lives in fear. Don’t we all? My fear is that he’ll shoot a 15 year old delinquent who likes to egg cars whose rear bumpers hang maniacally over the street gutter. “Maniacally, you say?” “Yes,” I say. Perhaps he’ll shoot me and then…well, then what? No more fear.

Golf tomorrow. And toothpicks. Emptiness meets fulfillment. One “l” or two? One lump? Just the two? Or..?

The phone buzzes and lights up K-Mart blue, and I feel special. Love is so lovely. Random thoughts scrape the taste from my tongue and my heart feels so cauterized. Roommates grin and wave blades like bats, but the gleam glares brighter off their Devil teeth. I am here, and there is a sound, and it is so far-far off I barely notice, but it is there, and I am here. The vanishing point has vanished. “You don’t do anything, man.” “Abortion solves nothing.” “Neither does adoption.” “Just do the dishes and shut your mouth.” I was banished to the smallest room, and chores chores chores. What about my bottle money?

Heaven seems so far away. Am I that detached from God? I see the word Bible in “Bud Light Beer.” I’m just another face in the crowd, and all I want is to be addicted to the cure. August is nearly over; soon comes everything after…and just like that, Counting Crows is playing on Youtube. And I am ruined: She says, “you’re changing.” But we’re always changing…

It’s all or nothing.

“I just want to be entertained.” “So does everyone else. It’s what we live for. And what we die for.” Awkward pause. Then: “Let’s go to the movies.” “K.” This is of no consequence to you! Or…hmm…

Adam Duritz croons. But all I hear are the neighbors. They have small children, but I never see them. It’s 2am – aren’t they sleeping? Then why all the racket?

“Sorry about that, man.” “Not a problem, chief.”

I never meant it. It’s not me. Who out there doesn’t think he or she is a good person? And if not, aren’t they just so very proud of themselves for being “bad”? Isn’t being bad just so very cool??? Question mark!

One more semester…five more years…

Help me stay awake…I’m falling…


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